Elevator Muzak
by Eleneri
Summary: Seventh in the Rose Shepard Series: A slice of life look at how Commander Rose Shepard handles her increasing fame whenever she docks at the Citadel. Liara T'soni learns the Rules of Shore Party Duty on the Citadel from Kaidan Alenko.


_**Author's Note**: All copyrighted characters, places, names, etc. are the property of Bioware. No infringement is intended or offered in this work of respectful fanfiction._

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_**Storyline Note**: This takes place after The Fan, and immediately after Driving Miss Liara, and before the canon events of Feros and Noveria._

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**_The Citadel_**

**_C-Sec level, docking bay elevator_**

The voice was rich, masculine, and absolutely inescapable at it filled the otherwise comfortably silent confines of the elevator. "Khalisah al-Jilani attempted to land an exclusive interview with Commander Shepard, the first human Spectre, earlier today." There was a suitably impressive pause. "Commander Shepard answered difficult questions, demonstrating that underneath the military uniform is a keen diplomatic mind."

"Oh, dear Maker." Shepard folded her arms across her chest and rubbed her eyes with her free hand.

Liara took a half-step toward her, her concern obvious in her blue eyes. "What is the matter, Commander?"

"Nothing that a bullet won't fix," Shepard muttered. She half turned to her right. "Lieutenant."

The authoritative tone in her voice made Kaidan straighten automatically. "Commander?"

"Shoot me."

"With all due respect, ma'am. No. Ma'am."

Shepard's deep brown eyes narrowed. "Insubordination is punishable by time in the brig, Alenko."

"Yes, ma'am." Kaidan fought the grin that was threatening to erupt across his face, taming it into a small upward curve to his mouth through sheer force of will. "Still not putting you out of your misery, ma'am. I'd hate to have to break in another CO."

"We'll have exclusive footage later today," the announcer purred in suitably promissory tones.

Liara turned a puzzled look in Kaidan's direction as the commander covered her face with her hands. "Lieutenant Alenko, is the commander all right? She seems to be reacting very oddly."

"It's all right, Dr. T'soni. The commander's just allergic to elevators."

Liara tilted her head to one side and blinked. "Oh. I see." She chewed her lower lip for a moment. "Actually, I don't see. Is this a common human allergy?"

"No, the commander's just lucky." Kaidan offered a small smile and a low chuckle to the asari. "If you're going to go along on any of the commander's shore parties here on the Citadel, Doctor, there's a few things you should know. The commander is allergic to reporters, elevators, and diplomats."

Shepard scrubbed her hands over her face one last time and shot another look over her shoulder, raising a fine, dark eyebrow at him. "Diplomats, Alenko?"

He rubbed his chin. "Your hands start to twitch when you talk to Ambassador Udina, commander. Gunny and I figured it was an allergic reaction."

"How... unfortunate." Liara was so clearly struggling to process this new information with absolute seriousness that Kaidan felt a twinge of conscience. "May I ask what the course of treatment is for an... allergy of this type?"

"Gunnery Chief Williams and I have found that refusing to acknowledge that we can hear any news broadcasts at all helps a lot. Also, looking very concerned and official while inventing spur of the moment meetings that the commander absolutely has to get to, very secret Spectre business... that works to innoculate her against reporters. We haven't run into too many problems with diplomats yet." He slid a sideways glance at Shepard when she snorted. "Well, not any that we've had to help her out with. But Williams and I have mostly decided on the "grab the Commander's gun arm before she shoots someone" tactic. In case it becomes necessary."

Liara had lost her worried look, and was starting to look amused. "I see. I doubt I could offer anything other than conversational skills if the need arose."

Kaidan rubbed his chin again. "I don't know, Doctor. A good stasis field tends to come in handy in the most unusual situations."

The asari nibbled her lower lip. "I am beginning to see that going anywhere with the commander is going to be more of an adventure than I thought." She smiled shyly. "I had thought that once there wasn't a ground effect vehicle involved, travel would become considerably less stressful. Apparently, I was mistaken."

"Hey!" Shepard folded her arms across her chest, but her glare was spoiled by the fact that her lips were twitching with suppressed laughter. "You don't get to complain about my driving until you've taken at least three shore duties with me."

"Go easy on her, Commander. She's a civ." Kaidan bent his dark head over Liara's for a moment. "Doctor? You all right? You look a little pale. Just breathe normally."

"Um. Yes. I think I'm all right." The asari exhaled slowly. "Sorry, the thought of being in the Mako again is... unsettling."

"Trust me, Doctor. It doesn't get easier the more you do it."

The elevator's movement slowed into imperceptibility, and the doors peeled open to reveal the bustling C-Sec headquarters lobby. Shepard squared her shoulders and exited the elevator, and it was only because Kaidan had come to know her well that he noticed the subtle easing of tension in her body language when they didn't spot any reporters waiting to ambush them.

"Let's check in with Chellik at C-Sec before we hit the Spectre quartermaster." The commander smiled at Liara. "Doctor T'soni, you're under no obligation to come with us. If there's anything else you want to do on the Citadel..."

"No, Commander. I have no real business on the Citadel. I'd prefer to stay with you." Liara twisted her fingers together nervously. "Now that the lieutenant had explained the rules to shore parties, I mean."

Kaidan grinned ruefully. "Well, there is just one more rule, Doctor. If you're up for it."

Liara folded her arms over her chest. She looked determined. "Try me, lieutenant."

_Hmm. Looks like the doctor could shape up into a good squaddie yet_. He put his hand on her shoulder and looked down at her, his expression very grave. "Under no circumstances do we ever, ever allow anyone to ask the commander for an autograph."


End file.
